Tristan Christopher Hoffman

Full-Term Stillborn
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
9:31 a.m.




Weight: 7 lbs. 14oz.
Length: 21 in.
Head: 36 cm.
Chest: 34 cm.

Proud Parents: Chris & Nadia


(The following is a letter I wrote for my son Tristan and was read at his memorial service on 3/7/07)


Dear Tristan,

On June 3, 2006 Daddy and I got the news that you were going to come into our world. I can still see the positive pink line on the home pregnancy test and Daddy’s glowing smile when I told him "It’s positive I’m pregnant!” I remember I cried tears of joy and of fear. So many emotions were going through my mind. Oh my gosh I’m going to be a Mom I can’t believe it! Do I have what it takes to raise a child? Will I be a good mother?

After our first doctor’s appointment I felt like I was really a Mom walking out with my new Mommy gift bag full of baby books and supplies. I felt like I was dancing on the clouds. I was ready to take on the challenges of motherhood.

July 18, 2006 at the doctor’s office I heard the most precious sound in the entire world, your heartbeat. The fluttering of your heart was the first real proof that you were truly a gift from God. The next two months as you began to grow so did my morning sickness. I was dizzy, vomiting, and even had black outs. We lived off eating bagels, toast, tea and of coarse ginger. I often wondered if I would ever make it through and sometimes thought is this all going to be worth it. I looked forward to every doctor’s appointment to hear your heart beat which comforted me and made me realize that this journey was all worth it and we were in this together.

It was on the evening of September 20, 2006 when I awoke to a flutter in my stomach! I couldn’t believe it…I felt you kick me for the first time! You were growing and you were strong. The next few months you continued to know when It was time to play…late at night was the most fun for you and for me. I remember when I had some hard days and felt sorry for myself you’d give me a nudge to remind me to snap out of it cheer up I’m here for you Mommy.

November 20, 2006 was your 3D ultra sound. Daddy and I along with your Grandma, and Aunt Nin, found out you were indeed a boy! You looked like a prince. You had your Daddy’s face, chin and nose and my eyes. We then decided to name you Tristan Christopher Hoffman.

For the next few months you grew and grew. It was amazing each time to feel you move, kick, and flutter inside. I remember one evening while lying down on the couch I was playing a video game with your Daddy I rested the remote control to the Xbox on my tummy while playing and the control vibrated and you kicked…then you did it again and again. I jumped up and laughed. Mommy and Daddy couldn’t stop laughing at you. We knew you just wanted to come out and play Xbox with us.

You loved your Daddy so much. Every time Daddy talked to my tummy and said, “I love you Tristan” “How are you today Tristan” you always kicked and moved to let him know that you heard him and that you were fine.

You loved to listen to music. I played classical music and baby lullabies to help you sleep. You even liked to dance around to Mommy’s dance music and Daddy’s rock music I think Kiss was your favorite. I even played “Nadia’s Theme” for you one time. I could feel you were listening. You were so quite through the entire song then when it stopped I felt you kick and flutter. You even liked when Mommy sang karaoke sometimes I could feel you move and kick like you were singing along with me. You loved to be read to. At Christmas I read to you the story The Night Before Christmas. You also loved to hear your puppies Mindy Sue and Scamper. One morning while lying in bed with Mindy Sue she starting barking and you couldn’t stop kicking me. I know you were trying to tell me to please shut her up you were trying to sleep!

As February approach Mommy and Daddy were so anxious to see you. We talked all the time about what it would be like to see you and hold you for the first time. We wondered what color hair you would have? What color eyes? What kind of cry you would have? We couldn’t wait for the moment to finally look at you and hold you in our arms.

February 25, 2007 was a lonely day for Mommy. I didn’t feel you move inside me. No kicking, no fluttering. I wondered if you were sleeping getting ready for your big arrival. But we found out the next day that your heart stopped beating and you were at peace.

February 27, 2007 was the hardest day of my life. I had to give birth to your death. I went through the entire day wondering if this was for real or if I was dreaming. Your Daddy was my rock. He was an amazing coach. Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt Nin, Uncle Bryan, and Grammy were all there for Mommy, Daddy and you. The hardest part during your delivery was listening to the silence in my room and then hearing a baby cry in the room next door and knowing it was not you.

Words can’t describe how much I miss you my precious baby boy. I wonder what it would be like to have you here to hold you, to talk to you, kiss you. I can only hold on to the wonderful 9 months that you and I experienced together. You were there for me and I was there for you. You are loved and I know you felt the love of your family. You will always hold a special place in my heart forever. You are my son and my first-born child and Mommy and Daddy will never forget you. One day you will have a brother or sister and they will know how special their big brother Tristan was. You’ll always live in our hearts and I will carry these memories with me forever.

I love you Tristan

Mommy